Monday, 13 April 2009

Amy Nicholls 25/01/1989 - 09/02/2009

Amy fought long and hard, against this thing called cancer. She was determined not to let it beat her. Very sadly Amy lost her fight on Monday the 9th of February 2009. Although in a way, the cancer beat her in the end, in another way it didn't, cause even though she is no longer here in person, she will live on forever in our hearts and minds and will never be forgotten. This is a copy of Amy's testimony, that she wrote when she was baptised, on the 4th of January which seem to sum up, the way Amy saw things:

“I've heard it said that when God created each one of us our outcomes and destiny's were always predetermined. Our life was already planned out for us, like an unopened book just waiting to be read. I kinda like this way of looking at it and have always gone by the term "even if the destination is predetermined, it's the journey that counts..and what a fun journey I’m having so far.
I also believe that we are sent to earth with a set birth and death date. God knows what is going to happen at each and every turn of our life and we through him must complete whatever we were sent to earth to achieve, then once completed, he calls us home.
I also like this way of looking at life.
I also now know what my mission on this earth was, mine was to face a big battle and show people that even in the face of such hardship and adversity, with a boat load of courage, strength and a smile on your face you can get through anything, achieving many other goals, aspirations and having a damn good time along the way. Oh and not forgetting putting 100% of your faith and trust in the lord, knowing he is there walking beside you every step of the way!
That's my mission, that's my goal and this baptism? It's just another page in the book of my life. I hope you enjoy sharing this page with me today.
You see to me; Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming,

I hope that these blogs will bring some comfort to those who read them, and will be an encouragement to others who are going through a similar fight.
Sleep well our Angel, till we see you again, in a better place xxx
Andrew, Kim, Matthew and Alice
Amy's family xxx

Sunday, 1 February 2009

What To Hold On For Now?

People said i seemed well at Christmas and then again at my baptism a few weeks later.

Was i well?
Not really, but i guess i felt it at the time.

I know since then i've got a lot, lot worse.
My breathing is my slow killer and it doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon.

One person at my church got upset the other week, as they thought me being dunked when i had my baptism had been the cause of my rapid really wasn't.

I think since the news of me not being around much longer started there were certain things, not really made public, that i knew in my mind i really wanted to try and be around for.

Two of the more recent events were those mentioned above...
and My Baptism.

I think that's why i've got worse since then, i havn't really got any more things, planned or unplanned to really focus on. Sure everyday i should focus on but it's not the same.

I recently got to my 20th birthday. I wanted to make it to there and i achieved that. I knew i wouldn't make the milestone that is 21, but to me, 20 has been a bigger milestone than any that have passed or will have done.

I made it. And for that, i couldn't be happier.

EDIT: I just realised that one of the things on my "list" i wanted to do was leave a legacy.
Pleae check out this page and with anything you have, help me leave even the tiniest piece of a legacy.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Slow Dance...

I got sent a chain email the other day. The thought was there but it was obvious the email had been tweaked many a time over the years. Here is the poem that was included in the mail, guess through all the stupidity of chain letterss the real message are still there if you look hard enough....

Slow Dance Poem

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun
into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say, "hi"?

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Monday, 19 January 2009

Our Own Little System...

So we're getting things down to a system. Maybe not an easy system, but one that seems to work.

Cleaning up each morning isn't easy. It has to be done. And that's the system I'm talking about. Old clothes off, fresh clothes on. Hygiene, hair, trying to take care of things the way I used to do it.

I couldn't do any of that without mom's help - something I hope she realises every day.

So, all in all, this seems to be working.

I'm pretty lucky.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Losing Control But Not Giving In...

How will this go? How do things play out from here? What happens next?

I don't have the answers to any of those questions right now. I'm sure the answers will become apparent at some point, but we're not there yet.

I do see changes in my body. I'm not as strong as I was a few weeks ago or a few weeks before that. I need more help doing some things.

Getting up the stairs for instance. I used to go up and down them without really thinking. Well, those days are over. I need to plan ahead if I can, make sure there's someone else there to help me up them, oxygen in toe.

It's just another little loss of control. A loss of freedom that the cancer has caused and I hate it.

It scares me too. How far will it go? How much of my strength will the cancer steal? Will I end up bed-ridden?

On the other hand, I have to keep going. I have to move around, go from chair to chair. I'm not bed-ridden now and I can't let myself give up.

So as it gets harder and harder to do the same things, I think all I can do is work a little harder to do them.

And make the cancer work harder to try and stop me.

Friday, 9 January 2009

New Year..

So we're starting another year of fighting with the "beast" To my mind, that means fighting dirty. Hit it when it's not looking. Jab it with radio when it doesn't expect it. Zap it, fry it, freeze it. This is no time to shake hands.

As we start this new year, it's a time to remember that everything is riding on this fight.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Giving Thanks this Christmas..

I have so much to be thankful for.

That might sound funny coming from someone with cancer. We have each other - the greatest gift of all. We have our loved ones. My doctors and their skills. I can still laugh when I should, and cry when I need to. And most important...I'm still here.

I may have my complaints, but I'm grateful for what I do have, however little it may be. Some people could only dream of what I have, I'll never forget that.
But my Christmas wish for all of you, those fighting the disease and those standing beside them, is that you find some healing, some peace. Even if it's just for an hour. I hope that Christmas dinner, or opening presents, or a silly family tradition, something will take your mind off the illness and pain. Just an hour or two of normalcy would be one of the best Christmas gifts ever.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas x