And Because I Knew You......

Once again i find myself hearing those dreaded words as i ask a nurse how one of my friends from the ward is doing...

"Amy, i'm afraid they are no longer here."

I think to myself, why them?
What did they do wrong.

Then i realise i have to carry on fighting as i know they would have wanted me to.

See it seems to be a common occurence now....

When i first ever started treatment on the ward i got put on a bay with other teenagers my age. I met some lovely people there and we became close friends. We sort of made a silent pact to keep on fighting and try and beat this whatever happens.

Of the seven people i knew at that time, only two remain today......Megan and me.

Can you imagine what that feels like?
Making great friendships and then wondering how long they will last.
I'd certainly give my life anyday if it means that any one of these people could come back, they didn't deserve to miss out on the rest of their lives.

Michael, i know you have gone to a better place and God is taking great care of you up there so you don't have to worry - RIP buddy.

Yet through all this sadness and loss of another friend i find myself still smiling, knowing that they would have wanted me to stay strong.

Not only am i fighting this battle for me now, but for all my team mates i have lost on the way - and there is no way i am giving up easily.

On a less sad note, i went again for another dose of Vinblastine yesterday.

Spoke with the doctor and he told me that the scans and pictures have been all posted off to the surgeon at Heartlands hospital, just got to wait and see what he decides.

I find this sort of waiting unbelievably difficult.

Knowing my future is in the hands of a complete stranger....

I still find myself stuck, not being able to plan anything that far into the future as i have no idea when any of my treatment is going to happen.

Yet i still plan things in the hope that i can go - probably only to be let down again.

A postive note though...

Me and my mom are off to London for a few days - just to escape everything that's going on at the moment...proper chill time.

This is something that is definately going ahead, we have planned the chemotherapy round it this time.

Gives me something to look forward to

I've got to have the weekly Vinblastine for another 3 or maybe 4 weeks and then another scan to see if it's done any damage to the tumour - fingers crossed!

Will update again as soon as i find out any information about the surgery or if anything interesting happens inbetween.

Until then...

“The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.”