Why i'm Happy...

People often ask me how i cope, how can you be so optimistic about life, how come you always seem so happy?

The more i think about it, the more i realise how strong i actually am.

I wouldn't really say optimistic, more determined. We're fighting every day. Every drug, medication and chemotherapy that we have is doing one thing, buying us time. It's keeping us alive. Every day we wake up feeling ill or not 100 percent, struggling to get out of bed, we know that's one more day that cancer can't have. As hard as it is sometimes, just getting out of bed in a morning means another day that the beast can't have.

Yes i'm confused about life, i'm confused about what is happening to me. I've been told numerous times that my cancer isn't responding the way it should do but the best thing we can do is just that - go with the next best thing.

I found out again recently that another boy from the hospital had died. I went away with him to the TCT weekend a few months ago. I'm ashamed to say it, but i didn't know him too well and i hate the fact that i never took the time to get to know him better.

I've also heard that two of my friends have fallen out over a boy and are now worst enemies or something. It makes you think though and like i've said before, life is too short to bear grudges. I hate people that fall out and argue over the most pettiest of things - they have no idea. I just don't see the point of wasting your energy on hating someone when there are so many other things to love in the world. It's time people really started to focus on the positive things in life instead of always looking at the negative.
People moan about their love lives, exams, stress, work when really these things are so petty. If you just stop and think about your life, and i mean really think, you will realise that those things don't really matter at all. Yes life is unfair, but it's also too short.

I'm having the crappest time lately, not life wise just health wise. I don't really care about that though. If you think about it there is always someone out there who is worse off than you and that's what i really concentrate on. I may not be leading the perfect life i'd like to, but knowing there is someone worse off than me gives me a reason to keep going. I have a home, i have food on the table and i have my happiness. That's more than what nearly 80% of the population have and that's a fact.

Now can you see why i'm so happy?