Long time coming.....

Wow it has been a while hasn't it?

To be honest, i'd completely forgotten about this blog.

So many things have happened lately and a lot of things were pushed to the back of my mind, this being one of them, and i carried on with what i thought was important.

Only recently meeting up with an old friend did i realise how many people had relied on it.

So here i am once again.......

Last time i wrote here i was going into hospital to have a pretty big transplant. There was a real chance i wouldn't make it through but i pushed on hard as usual and fought my way to the end.

Unfortunately the transplant didn't work. It makes me wonder if it's really worth the effort sometime. The amount of time i've wasted lying in a hospital bed when i could be out there making good use of the time i've got left and really doing something with it doesn't really add up. I suppose i wouldn't be where i am today though, if it wasn't for the people who make that hospital home....

I now have what i guess you can call "terminal" cancer. There is no longer a cure for what i have. So in short terms it means i'm dying. The doctors havn't given me a time limit and in a way i suppose it's a bad thing but if you look at it the way i do, i don't think i really want to know. I don't know how people can put a time limit on something as precious as a life. It certainly helps me now, as it gives me the chance to live every day to the max and not waste a single moment.

It's been rough. I feel pretty beat up. I've had some tough times before, but this has been different. For the first time, the cancer has truly changed my life.

I wouldn't class myself as ill; i'm more alive now than i ever was before.

I still have my off days. I'm tired and exhausted and my body still hasn't recovered from the transplant last year - it's difficult to work out if it ever will. I'm still here though and while i'm around i'm sure as hell going to fight it with all i've got and i know i have a great amount of people still looking out for me....and well you never know, i might be the reciever of a miracle one day!

I know that in the end, it will most likely get me. But at least I know that I've made it work. And there's some satisfaction in that.