Holding Onto That Hope....

I want to get better.

I don't think about that a lot. I don't let myself. I spend more time thinking about living with cancer, having the best
life I can under the circumstances. And don't get me wrong, I'm a realist. I'm honest with myself. I know what's happening
to me, and what's likely to happen in the future.

But I still want to get better.

A tiny part of me still holds on to the very thin hope that somehow I can overcome this. I'm not looking for a cure. I know
better than that. But I'd love to just have a normal life.

My old normal, not cancer normal. Just for a little while.

Am I kidding myself? Probably.

The chances of the cancer going away, for any length of time, are pretty much zero. But that doesn't mean I have to give up
all my hope. You never know what might happen.

Actually, cancer patients pretty much do know what will happen. When we're given that first prognosis, we learn to ignore
it. And the next one, too.

But the overall theme is pretty clear. The end result isn't really in doubt.

Still, I'm holding onto that hope.

Maybe this is just my way of being stubborn.