Thursday, 15 January 2009

Losing Control But Not Giving In...

How will this go? How do things play out from here? What happens next?

I don't have the answers to any of those questions right now. I'm sure the answers will become apparent at some point, but we're not there yet.

I do see changes in my body. I'm not as strong as I was a few weeks ago or a few weeks before that. I need more help doing some things.

Getting up the stairs for instance. I used to go up and down them without really thinking. Well, those days are over. I need to plan ahead if I can, make sure there's someone else there to help me up them, oxygen in toe.

It's just another little loss of control. A loss of freedom that the cancer has caused and I hate it.

It scares me too. How far will it go? How much of my strength will the cancer steal? Will I end up bed-ridden?

On the other hand, I have to keep going. I have to move around, go from chair to chair. I'm not bed-ridden now and I can't let myself give up.

So as it gets harder and harder to do the same things, I think all I can do is work a little harder to do them.

And make the cancer work harder to try and stop me.


Anonymous said...

You keep fighting girl, we are all behind you :) xxx

Anonymous said...

Hello Amy,

I'm so sorry i haven't been in touch recently, i have no excuse i feel horrible about it =[

I just hope i get to see you very soon even if its just a simple hello.

Miss you loads


Anonymous said...

I don't know where tomorrow finds me, the only thing I know is where I'm standing now. In this life, there's never been a guarantee which seems to be the only guarantee I've found.

But keep your eyes upon the road, keep driving. It won't be long until you see a sign that says that you're arriving.

Anonymous said...

i love you.

Anonymous said...

Amy You wer such a strong girl . your parents must be sooo proud to have you as their daughter . rest in peace .. we will all be thinkin of you xxx