How will this go? How do things play out from here? What happens next?
I don't have the answers to any of those questions right now. I'm sure the answers will become apparent at some point, but we're not there yet.
I do see changes in my body. I'm not as strong as I was a few weeks ago or a few weeks before that. I need more help doing some things.
Getting up the stairs for instance. I used to go up and down them without really thinking. Well, those days are over. I need to plan ahead if I can, make sure there's someone else there to help me up them, oxygen in toe.
It's just another little loss of control. A loss of freedom that the cancer has caused and I hate it.
It scares me too. How far will it go? How much of my strength will the cancer steal? Will I end up bed-ridden?
On the other hand, I have to keep going. I have to move around, go from chair to chair. I'm not bed-ridden now and I can't let myself give up.
So as it gets harder and harder to do the same things, I think all I can do is work a little harder to do them.
And make the cancer work harder to try and stop me.