The days and weeks seem to go so quickly and they then turn into months, which then become years.
The years that have passed since me being diagnosed have brought on some of the worst memories i can think of, but yet have also produced some of the best times and memories of my life.
We were clearing out the loft a few days ago and i came across all my "get well" cards and presents. Looking through them i noticed the names of the people, people who i hadn't seen for ages. I remember watching and seeing people drift away around me. Whether it was college or jobs, people were moving on with their lives and i hated the fact that i never got to say my farewells to the majority of these people.
I would love to know what had ever happened to some of the people i went to school with and what they are now doing at this very second, yet i know i can't really do that.
I'm lucky in other respects though. I have friends now that i would never have met if i hadn't got cancer. It's weird when you look back and wonder what if? What if i hadn't got cancer? Where would i be now?
Frankly i wouldn't want to know. I'm happy with the person i am now. I have a supportive family and some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for and i know they are there for me whenever i need them. I think about the world differently now and stay positive and happy no matter what. Having cancer has really opened my eyes, opened them to give a much wider perspective of the world. I take each day as it comes and live it to the fullest, knowing very well that every single day could be my last. I'm much tougher now than i ever was, not the toughness that's seen in fighting and bullying, but the toughness to perservere. I know now that when i get knocked down, i can get back up again. Yes i may be weaker and a bit more bruised than before, but there is no way cancer is going to keep me knocked down.
I'm going to fight; and i'm going to fight HARD