Tuesday 26 August 2008

The Same Old Road

It was my routine checkup today. The usual "how you doing?", quick bloodtest, booking of vinblastine and we're out of there. Pretty straight forward...normally.

Before my New York trip i was suffering quite badly with some pain in my shoulder. It gradually got worse and the pain spread to my neck and back. I went away on holiday and everything was fine, maybe it was just being away and giving my mind something else to focus on. The last few days have been hell, pain wise. I'm getting little sleep and nothing seems to relieve the aches and the shooting pinches now and again.

I explained to my doctor the symptoms and she has now booked me in for an MRI and a CT scan. God only knows how long they'll take to come through. She also wants me to have fortnightly vinblastine instead of monthly. That i could handle, but she decided to opt for more.

She wants to start me on another drug, etoposide. Now i've had this before, years ago actually, but intraveneously through my vein. She's decided on tablet form and to be honest, it was bad last time....i'm worried about now.

There is a pretty much certain chance my hair is going to come out again (a year of growing it for nothing...once again) and the sickness and nausea is greatly heightened with tablets.

A part of me is just wanting to say yeah if it's going to take the pain away then that's cool you know, i'll just deal with the "bald" look and the sickness but part of me is wondering if it is going to even actually work at all. I mean look at everything else. They haven't exactly helped me get anywhere on this seemingly pointless mission of trying to cure me.

I mean i'm all for quality of life and everything, but surely this is getting pretty pointless now?

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